Listen Carefully, As Menu Options Have Changed

The following is an incomplete menu of choices.  If you want to talk to a live person, your call will be redirected to someone who has a template screen in front of her to help you navigate your problem. 

Press 1 to have me ask how you are doing.

Press 2 to ask me how I am doing.

                Press 1 for the polite answer. 

                Press 2 for an ambiguous answer.

                Press 3 for an angry answer that blames you for asking.

Press 3 for comments about the weather.

                Press 1 for a complaint.

                Press 2 for an obvious response.

                Press 3 for a comment on someone else’s weather tragedy.

Press 4 for my opinions on trending news stories.

                Press 1 for gun violence.

                Press 2 for bullying.

                Press 3 for auto wrecks.

Press 5 for my political thoughts.

                Press 1 for affordable health care act.

                Press 2 for complaints about congress.

                Press 3 for debt and deficit.

Press 6 for sports.

                Press 1 for local sports. 

                Press 2 for NFL.

                Press 3 for performance enhancement violations.

Press 7 if you have a request.

                Press 1 if you need help.

                                Press 1 if you can wait.

                                Press 2 if I can delegate your request.

                                Press 3 to be told to figure it out for yourself.

                Press 2 if you need money.

                                Press 1 for fundraisers.

                                Press 2 for school expenses.

                                Press 3 for personal luxuries.

                Press 3 if I’m not listening to you.

                                Press 1 for an explanation.

                                Press 2 to ask me to stop texting while you are talking to me.

                                Press 3 to ask when we can talk.

Press 8 to review these options.

Can we free ourselves of automatic thoughts and automated responses?  Can we commit that when someone talks to us she gets a live person the first time every time who really does value her and her call?  Authenticity comes easier to some than others, maybe, but if we desire it, we will be more likely to have it than if we don’t.

Hi!  Here I am.  How can I help you?